Eric Is Home Again

Eric came home from the hospital yesterday (Friday). After a week of being basically bed-ridden (he was in isolation and not allowed to leave his room), he is very weak, but he is happy to be home. He's on IV antibiotics, so our kitchen looks a bit like a hospital again (IV pole, sharps container, bandages...). He wants to do things, but is finding that he is a bit sicker than he had thought. He's very frustrated by this; I'm frustrated for him.

I hope I can take care of him.

Cauliflower!

Cauli is doing better! He's started eating on his own again and is "holding his own," as reported by the vet. He's been getting various antibiotics -- it's possible that the problem was/is peritonitis (an infection/inflammation in the peritoneum or body cavity). I'll be glad to have him home soon.

Pictures

Before Eric went into the hospital, he had put together a couple of pictures for Issue #32. He thought I should post them here on my blog. So ...

This will be my editorial photo. Yes, my hair is blonde. That's Balthazar with me.

I didn't realize he made that so big. It's kind of scary.

This is what the chainsaw-carved bear by our front door looks like. Surf's up.

This is our messy kitchen. If you look closely, you can see all the bandages and other medical stuff that we have here for Eric's homecare. The IV pole is in the foreground; behind it on the floor is a box full of pre-filled flush and heparin syringes, IV tubing, etc. I was giving him IV's several times a day. The doctor decided that homecare wasn't working, partly because it ended up with me taking care of Eric's drain and drainage bag, as well as two IV medications on different schedules. Plus he got sicker (not my fault!). God bless the nurses of the universe. They don't get enough respect or praise (or pay). Excuse the mess.

Cauliflower

Cauli is not doing well. I'm going to go visit him at the vet's today. I'm very sad.

Eric in the Hospital Again

As of Friday (April 19th) Eric is in the hospital again. He started getting very sick on Thursday, so the doc added another antibiotic (IV, at home). But he wasn't able to eat or drink anything (he couldn't keep it down), so my stepMom and I managed to get him from the bed to the car. I drove him to the hospital. Apparently, he has a fistula (essentially, a hole) in his intestines. They aren't sure where it is. They can't operate right now because he has an infection that has to be cleared first. They also want to bring down some of the inflammation in the area around where his abscess was. So he will be in the hospital for a while (they don't want to send him home on all these different antibiotics because it's too much for me to do by myself).

If you want to send an e-mail to Eric, put "For Eric" in the header and e-mail it to me at: mary@modernferret.com

Or you can send a card to the PO box (Eric Shefferman, c/o Modern Ferret, PO Box 1007, Smithtown, NY 11787). I will make sure he gets all his mail. If you want to send something else (like balloons or something), you can contact me and we'll work out the best way to do that.

Cauliflower at the Vet's

There is a very special place in Heaven for veterinarians. There must be. There'd better be. I called Dr. Ned to ask his opinion about Cauliflower. Last Sunday I had brought Cauli over to see Dr. Ned and he put him on antibiotics, cimetidine, carafate, and prednisone. Cauli didn't really improve all week. He will eat only if you hand-feed him, though he drinks water on his own. He's lost weight and muscle and is only able to stumble around. It's heartbreaking. So I called Dr. Ned on Friday morning (while waiting to talk to Eric's doc) to ask if the meds should have started working (I knew they should have) and what I should do. I know that it's likely the malignant lymphoma has come back already, but since Cauli hasn't given up, I can't give up on him. But with Eric in the hospital 40 minutes away, I had to choose between my husband and my baby. Dr. Ned said to bring Cauli over and they would take care of him at the vet clinic for a few days and see what they can do to make him feel better. He is going to try some chemotherapy. I feel guilty leaving Cauli there, but I know it's what's best for all of us. I know that everyone at the vet clinic will take excellent care of Cauli. This is why there has to be a special place for veterinarians in Heaven. Dr. Ned is one of the kindest and most compassionate people I know. I'm very thankful that I know him. Cauli is in better hands than mine.

Modern Ferret

Eric is already bugging me to bring him his laptop so he can do some work. I don't think he should have it yet -- he needs rest first. Every day that goes by that nothing happens with the magazine, I feel more and more guilty and sad about it. But there's nothing I can do to fix it on my own. So I apologize for what I can't do. Please know that we will keep going with Modern Ferret when Eric is well enough to work on it. In the meantime, I will be trying to do what I can to keep you all up-to-date on what's going on here.

Ramblings

Life is terrible.

Eric is on IV antibiotics at home (then he'll have surgery in about a month). I have to run the infusion every 8 hours. It never works right. I forget what I'm doing in the middle of the infusion (there are all of about 10 steps that I've been doing three times a day since Saturday). I guess it's a good thing Eric is there to remind me what I'm doing.

Fortunately, because of the antibiotics, Eric feels pretty good and is able to do some work. I'm trying to get out of his way so he can do it.

My doctor has taken me off the medication I was on, and I want to scream. All the time. I've actually sent some pretty nasty e-mails to people who were harassing me. I don't feel good about that. But I hope they leave me alone now.

People who e-mail me need to remember that I'm a human being. A very fragile one at the moment. If they bait me, I will bite. If they push me, I will go. I know that the people who sent me nasty e-mails did so purely to upset me because they know what's going on here & they just want to harm me. I know the people who have put lies about me on mailing lists did so purely to harm me. What other reason could there be?

I apologize for these mental illness ramblings. I realize they don't inspire faith in Modern Ferret. But then, faith is something that comes from the air, isn't it? That's what my faith in God is like. From the air.

Here's something I wrote yesterday when I got up at 5:30 in the morning:

The IV setup in the kitchen,
the chair,
in this light
has no clinical quality.
It's all about death --
though death is not coming,
the place is prepared.

I've done better.

I'll keep you updated on any progress. Thanks for reading.